Rapids - What do you think of this?

What do you think of this?

what do you think of chapter 1 in my book? It is a fantasy, kinda sci fi. And what do you think chapter 2 should be about? A different storyline or the main character in captivity? A man in a tattered white jumpsuit staggered this way and that, weaving through pine trees which oddly enough, had no pine needles on them. All the trees’ needles were littered on the snowy ground below them. The man looked quickly behind him… this was a mistake. He tripped and fell on a gnarled tree root just as a small object whistled as it flew right by his head and buried itself half an inch into a tree trunk. Theman looked up and saw that the area around the dart had turned blood red. The red stain spread out until it was about the size of an apple. The man starred at the dart curiously, his mouth open slightly as he breathed out a puff of air which was visible because of the cold atmosphere. He snapped back into his senses as another dart was buried in the snow right next to his leg. He got up and looked behind him. He could see them now! They were close enough for him to see them barring their fangs at him; hebanked left and sprinted away, sending snow and dead pine needles flying behind him. He continued running, the forest was getting thinner now which was both good and bad for him. Good, because that meant he was getting farther out of their territory, but it was mostly bad because now there was a lack of concealment and cover, (which were the two things that were now essential to his survival) it also meant that soon he’d reach… He had to literally skid to a stop to prevent himself from falling off a ninety degree cliff face which went down twenty feet and met with an icy, raging river full of sharp rocks jutting out of the water and rapids, some of which were more like small waterfalls. He felt a stinging pain throb through his hand; he dove into a small leafy bush for cover as he inspected his pinky. There was a small cut above the fingernail where the dart had He dove down to the ground and looked at his pinky. There was a small cut just above its fingernail where the dart had grazed it. He cursed under his breath as his arm began to get numb. He attempted to stand up but fell back down, rolling out of the bush and into the open. His vision became blurry and the last thing he saw were two strange looking men, walking up to him. It was then that Christopher Harris fell into a deep sleep.

Public Comments

Sorry to be blunt but it's really bad. I could barely get past the first paragraph--however, I'm in a lazy mood. But if your readers are in lazy moods when they pick up your book at the library they'll only be putting it down faster. Grammar needs work, but the choice of words is quite advanced. It holds promise, but keep editing. Don't forget to put commas before "which". You'll do good, just keep writing and editing. Good luck! ^_^
Wow...just, wow. This is amazing! I love your idea, and the way that you create visuals without going into lengthy descriptions that would distract from your plot. You also did well to create a fast pace, and a sense of panic at the people chasing your protagonist. Yet you managed to not portray the character in a way that we would not appreciate: screaming and running from his pursuers, certain that he was doomed. The first line with the phrase, "staggered this way and that, weaving his way through pine trees", creates a sense of desperation within the man...although I am assuming that he is in some way injured. Is that correct? When you imply that he is wearing a tattered jumpsuit, that made me guess that he has just emerged from a fight of some intensity. If so, you might want to just hint at the fact that he is injured, and not make it as subtle as you did. Throw in a few details about any potential wounds that he is bearing. You might also want to avoid some of the minor cliches that you are using: snapped back to his senses, a stinging pain, the last thing he saw. I, as a writer myself, know that sometimes these mishaps are difficult to avoid. And here's another issue. Do you really intend for this to be a whole chapter? I seems more fitting to be a prologue, or maybe a piece of a chapter, but it certainly is not long enough to constitute as a chapter all by itself. You might want to do something about that, unless this is a short story that is not long enough to fit into several decently-sized chapters. Have you written any more of this, or is it just something that you came up with off the top of your head? It's good so far, but it can't truly be considered a story, much less a book, unless you have any more material backing it up. Grammar also need some work...but I can see by your advanced word choice that you are capable of quite a bit. But by all means, continue! I would love to read the rest of this when its done, and if you want I could even edit and deeply critique it for you. I'm sure some constructive criticism would help you improve your writing in the long run. If you don't mind, could you send it to me? I absolutely adore your idea, and I think that you could really go places with this.
Well,who captured him? He would either be in a torture chamber,questioning room or captivity. I really don't know about who shot him or where he is. Sorry ^_^