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What are some horrendous baptismal mishaps that one ought to be careful to avoid when baptizing?

I was reading through Rick Warren's FORTY ways to increase the number of baptisms (because, really...who DOESN'T want MORE BAPTISMS???) and I came across this gem: 28. During warmer weather offer baptisms at the beach or lake or slow-flow river. This made me realize that if you try to baptize a dozen new converts in raging whitewater rapids, you might lose a few. Especially among the younger, smaller converts! So definitely, let's do baptizing in slow-flow rivers, right? What are some other disastrous baptism methods that we should avoid? Thanks for your assistance! -Occulty Kelly: That's not a mishap! And it's certainly not horrendous!

Public Comments

  1. I had to get baptized the same day my niece did, so that I could serve as her godfather in case anything happened to her parents; and I ended up dripping water on the kid's head...
  2. Make sure it's H2O, not H2SO4.
  3. I have heard that some preachers get a little too interested in hearing themselves talk and leave the "convert" under too long! I don't think anyone has drowned yet, but it has caused some discomfort!
  4. I read a few days ago that some holy water was infected with a nasty virus, dozens of people ill with it. http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Holy-WaterRussian-Orthodox-Believers-Hospitalised-After-Drinking-Holy-Water/Article/201001415535110?lpos=World_News_First_Health_Article_Teaser_Region__0&lid=ARTICLE_15535110_Holy_WaterRussian_Orthodox_Beli
  5. I saw on AFHV a baby peed in the holy water once. That's a mishap.
  6. As nicely positioned and well designed as they are, breasts are not to be used as handles. Darn it.
  7. Don't get baptized wearing thin white cotton, or you'll give everyone a show
  8. * Make sure the person baptizing you doesn't have ADD or Narcolepsy and leave you submerged underwater too long or you will drown. * Make sure the person lifts you out of the water and not hold you underwater for too long or you'll drown. * Make sure to get a good amount of air in your lungs or you may drown. * Make sure that you are being baptized in WATER and not another substance, like say vinegar, gasoline, Hydrofluoric acid. FOR THE BAPTIZEE(the person being baptized): * Try to not fart while underwater. * Make sure the water is WARM and not FREEZING COLD! * Don't try to drink the water while under. * If you are hydrophobic(afraid of water) let people know in advance!
  9. Dipping little baby boys in water often makes them start to pee. We all know how dangerous little boys without diapers can be. love and blessings Don
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